A few months ago I went to a live jazz night in Hollywood with Beth. Sitting there in the dark brick club, Hollywood hipsters all around, I remembered something: I don’t like jazz. I like the idea of jazz, or rather, the idea that I like jazz, but I just don’t like jazz. I don’t get it. It’s chaotic and I can never find a rhythm and if you can’t shake your noodle to it what’s the point? On that particular night, jazz didn’t stand a chance, because the jumble of notes was like the chaos in my head, a particularly manic breed of discombobulation.
Let me explain.
The months since my 27th birthday have been tumultous. Actually, I wish there was a word like “tumultous” that also meant “emotionally hysteric” and “happycrazysad.” And in times of stress, I clam up. I don’t want to talk. Definitely, I don’t want to b-l-o-g. But, I find that I miss you, I need you as an outlet. So here I am, and I will try to give an account of what has transpired, ending with me writing this from a hotel suite in Brazil.
The bad/sad: My relationship of the last three years ended, a beautiful, deeply supportive relationship that had a lot of love and a lot of respect. It seems a sad, sad fact of life that all good things must end.
The amazing/incredible: Numero uno wonderful event…I have a literary manager and agent! The first major hurdles accomplished! I’d like to write more about how this came to be, but I’m hesitant to let the steam out of the proverbial pot….don’t want to blab too much too early….but point is I’m now writing writing writing to finish my novel and so the agent can get it to publishers and hopefully/finally/fingers crossed–make my mark and make my livelihood.
The other special/happy event I’m also reticent to reveal….a beautiful new relationship with a brilliant man who’s an accomplished director who has brought me to Brazil with him for a month while he’s on a shoot. Also don’t want to talk about it too much too soon, so instead here are a few observations of Brazil: with the upcoming World Cup and Olympic Games you can feel the economy booming….Brazilians have so many different faces, not one specific look or coloring…..the theatrics of a film crew are as entertaining as the actual actors….and something that distinguishes 5-star hotels from the 0-stars I’m used to is this: the towels are much more absorbent.
As for my writing….it’s rather a shit sandwich right now….the tedious revision process where every day is dealing with my bad writing from the past. Dealing with cliches. Sometimes it’s fun. Yesterday the cliche “voice cut me like a knife” became “voice stung me like a thousand inebriated jellyfish.” But in general, revision is facing how much your writing can suck.
And so….there you have it. A blog to get back into the blog. Heading to a small town in northern Brazil for a few beach days, then Buenos Aires, then Uruguay.
Thank you for your time and attention.