I’m in the airport in Sao Paolo, waiting to fly home after 30+ days in South America. I’m looking forward to my Chairman Meow, summer weather, salads. I’m sad to leave dulce de leche, super friendly locals, adventure. I feel invigorated to return to Los Angeles, which is saying something because I was at maximum L.A. burnout level. I want to go to the LACMA, spend time in Venice, reach out to new girlfriends. And, as always, finish my damn novel. I had an epiphany in an elevator in Uruguay yesterday: A person can’t “find” happiness, because happiness isn’t something to be “lost” in the first place….human beings are engineers, the inherent restlessness of our souls is what’s led us to discovering new continents, going to the moon, creating the Internet. I’m always trying to quench that restlessness. I never enjoy what I’ve already accomplished. Travel has been my favorite antidote, the perfect way to so distract myself with the now I don’t have to face what’s really going on in my head. But even on the other side of the world, on a gorgeous beach in Brazil eating a lunch made for me by an Indian woman, served in her kitchen, somewhere in my brain the same annoying record plays: “Am I doing everything I can to further my career? Do I look okay? What will happen next in my life, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!” This is insanity, no? Conclusion: I’m done trying to find happiness. I’m embracing that sometimes I’m sad, grumpy, petty, spiteful, bloated, annoyed and annoying. Let it rip! Because what will happen next is already happening. And when it all becomes too much, there’s always music, memories, and marijuana.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the trip. Enjoy. 🙂