Breakdowns–auto and otherwise–smashed glass and new dreamcatchers on a HWY 395 drive.
Left L.A. last Thursday, heading home to Reno-Tahoe-Gardnerville….had money on my mind, my job with the guerilla art project is back, and for every hour I spend handing out free music I am paid $16…it’s never enough at the end of the month, but surely it would be “enough” to someone else, like the girl on the side of the road heading north on the 5 with a sign that reads “homeless and pregnant”…got a ticket for speeding outside Mojave, then my car wouldn’t turn back on so I spent the night in a Mojave motel, where I smoked 2 joints, watched 6 hours of HBO, and had a beautiful “what does it all mean???” emotional breakdown (Will I ever own who I truly am? Why can you be truly in love but still not right for each other? Will it backfire how honest I am on my blog,…or can I just trust that complete vulnerability is always the best choice?)…next day got a rental car then tried to order balsamic vinegar on my salad with a side of hummus and met only a blank stare, which lead me to realize that despite my best efforts I have become an “L.A. person”….ate about 1,000 sunflower seeds in Death Valley and 1 dry sandwich in Bishop and took photos of cows in Bridgeport…stopped at a yard sale in Big Pine and bought a whimsical stick dream-catcher thing….arrived Reno 11pm, straight to a party, then out til 4am, so happy to be with old friends, went to 5 Star Saloon and danced on a pole, nice to see genuinely drunk people, in L.A. people only get “tipsy”…..for the first time feel like a tourist in my own hometown…..it’s a good feeling, but disconcerting….next day go to lovely wedding in Tahoe, after the reception play blackjack for many hours with fellow wedding guests, I drank a white russian and we all fell a little in love with the dealer, Oksana from Ukraine….next day, alone again, roamed around a shopping center in my pajamas, hungover and happy to be breathing Tahoe air, spent a long time touching ornaments in a holiday store, then tried on a kimono in a crystals-and-wizards sort of store….then drank a coffee on the beach at Edgewood, a golf/lodge/restaurant and the site of my high school prom and where I once worked as a ball girl for a Playboy golf tournament….then to my dad’s house in Genoa, where I observed he and his wife Melissa’s new honeybee colony, took a nap, and researched earth-based religions…next day stopped to visit with Netti, the original goddess, where we discussed men, my mom, and astral projection, then she gave me a box of gypsy pillows and I hit the road….sometime around midnight I screamed out the window at the night sky “You’re beautiful!!!!”….arrived at a motel in Lone Pine and tried to open a Heineken with a lighter like I’ve seen so many guys do, ended up with a busted knuckle and a tiny cup of beer froth….next day early breakfast and purchased a made-in Lone Pine coffee mug and “spirit string” that’s rainbow colored and stands for Freedom….drove out toward Mt. Whitney and took some photos, then smashed the Heineken bottle to SMASH away my anxieties, then scooped up the broken glass to tie to my new whimsical stick dream-catcher thing….reluctantly traded my rental car for the old Escape, and made it back to L.A. in time for my grandma’s 96th birthday party.
A video from the road…with a cool song and a closing thought: